1.1 The Death, the Diary and the Drop Dead Dreamy Guy

Dear Diary. I guess that's how you should start. It feels weird, though, and so cliché. I think I'm gonna give you a name instead. It will help me relax.

Dear Mary Leone Karen Jenny. I guess it is silly for a nineteen year old girl to pick up an empty book and start writing her first diary. But I have no one to talk to, and I just need to get all of this off my chest. I'm the only one who will be reading it anyway, so what does it matter if it's silly?

My father died last week. I miss him so much, but at the same time, I'm glad he doesn't have to suffer any more. And I've known for some time that he wouldn't last. I could see it in the nurses faces. I could see it in the face of Doctor Marcus when he assured us that his most expensive treatment would work. I even saw it in dad's face at times. All our money went into dad's treatment. I insisted, so don't blame him, Jenny. The apartment is gone. The furniture are gone. When they told me he had died in the night, my world fell apart, not just because he was gone, but because I had nowhere to go. I had lived at the hospital for weeks, and now I was an orphan and a homeless person. I was wrong. Well, I'm still an orphan. And technically I don't have a home, but I do have some land, dad's lawyer told me all about it when we went through the will. Dad bought it without telling me, when he found out he was sick. It's in the town where he grew up, Riverblossom Hills. I'm on my way there now. The taxi driver says he knows the street.

***

It's a forest! My dad bought a piece of land with trees all over it!? What am I gonna do with this? I don't have any money right now, but when I do get a job, I had planned to put a little house here. Getting rid of all of these damned trees will cost nearly as much as the house. What am I gonna do?

***

I've officially gone as low as low can go. The taxi driver told me there was a junk yard nearby. I went there. 

I found a mattress (and Jenny, don't ask how I got it home, it's too embarrassing even to write it down where only I will see it), an old battery run refrigerator and some blocks and stuff to build a make-shift bookcase with. I put it all under a big tree on the lot.

Hopefully there won't be any rain for awhile. Tonight I'm sleeping under a tree on a mattress that smells like cheese and cigarettes. But it's okay. I'm trying to remember what dad used to say when something didn't go just as planned. ”It will be an adventure.”

***

Dear Jenny. I woke up with such an ache in my back and neck this morning. I was cold and damp all over, the dew had creped into the mattress and the sheets.

Surprisingly, I managed to sleep through the night. I guess the manual labour yesterday helped with that. It's been a long day, but now I'm at the library and that always made me feel better whenever I was down, and so it does now too.

And I got a job today!

I went to the school, and the principal there, Gabe O'Mackey, was such a nice man. He said there weren't any vacancies right now but that he could tell from my resume that I was reliable and he wanted me to feel welcome into town. He knew himself what it was like to be a newcomer and not knowing anyone. So he gave me a scrap job, cleaning, tagging along on school trips, helping in the lunch canteen and stuff like that I guess. It's not really teaching, but at least I get to be in the right atmosphere and hopefully I can get my foot in the door by getting to know the staff and routines here. Eventually there will be a teaching spot open, and then I will be the obvious choice. Well, at least I hope it will all turn out that way. For now, I'm going to spend my free time here at the library I think. It's warm, quiet and most importantly, there aren't any insects crawling around... I've started writing on a new book. Hopefully I will be able to finish this one. It's about a woman who accidentally makes time stand still, but while she tries to find a cure, she gets to know a man that she never thought she could love, and because he is dying, she decides she doesn't want time to start moving again. It's pretty cheesy, but it's got some interesting ideas in there, in the mid of all the cheese. The library computers here are ancient, but beggars can't be choosers. I'm gonna go back to the book now, writing in this journal won't put food on the table.

***

Wow. I've been writing for hours. My back is killing me, but when I started writing it just seemed like everything fell into place. The people I've seen in this town so far all gave me ideas for the book. I have almost thirty pages already! I think I'm going to send the first chapter to the that Bella magazine I saw in a news stand outside of the book store. It seems to be the women’s magazine around here and I think this story might appeal to them. Couldn't hurt to try.

***

Dear Jenny. I haven't written in a couple of weeks. But so much has happened that I just have to spit it out somewhere. I've been so busy getting into my new job that I haven't really had the time to write anything. Not to you or on my book. But I did send the first chapter to the editor at Bella and she rang me up the next day, asking if I had finished chapter two! She said she would publish the first one as a series in the next three issues, and if people respond to it, she's expecting more. She said she couldn't pay me very much, but frankly, I'll take anything I can get. This scrap job at the school, as fun and mentally rewarding as it is, doesn't give me much beyond money for food.

I was so happy that day, that after work I went to a cute little bar place that one of my colleagues had told me about.

I had a drink. And another. All of a sudden, I was out of pocket money, and I wasn't sure which direction home was. I usually don't drink, so the dizziness and all the people around frightened me. I went out in the garden to get some fresh air and clear my head. But apparently it didn't get much clearer, 'cause I almost slipped on the flagstones, when a man caught me.

I tell you, it was like a fairytale! Except that I was drunk. He smiled at me and told me to sit down for a bit while he called a cab. I was so out of sorts that I could hardly keep my eyes open, but the man crouched down next to me and made me look straight into his eyes. They were steel grey. Absolutely piercing. They scared me more than they drew me in, to be honest. He asked me where I lived, but I wouldn't tell him my address. To let him see how I lived would be absolutely horrifying, I knew that much despite my inebriation. He shook his head with a sigh and put me in the cab.

”Drop her off at the hotel” he told the driver before closing the door gently. But when we had gotten a safe distance from the bar, I told him my address and he let me off there instead. The guy had paid him, he said. I was too tired, nauseous and confused to think any more about it. I crashed on the bed, err, mattress, and woke up at 1 pm the next day. It was a Saturday, thank the maker, or it might just have cost me my job.

I'll just skip the next few days because nothing interesting happened. On Thursday some of the teachers at the school convinced me to tag along to a newly opened tavern. I really didn't want to, I hate crowds of people, but they were so nice and kind to me even though I haven't made any great efforts to get to know them, that I just couldn't say no. The tavern was nice. Apparently it had been a hotel before, a run down old place that no one in their right minds would stay at. Even the bartender freely told me so. ”They cleaned up good” I thought as I looked around. It was cosy. I carefully chose alcohol free drinks all night. The last thing I needed was my colleagues seeing me drunk as a skunk. I don't really like the taste of alcohol anyway. As the night wore on, a guy persistently tried to talk to me. I meekly avoided giving him any attention, but he came back. I don't even know what he looked like, I wasn't interested in knowing. Finally, the fourth or fifth time he sat down next to me, the bartender snapped at him.

”What the hell is your problem, the girl doesn't want to talk to you. Just leave her alone.” He didn't really sound angry or upset, he just stated the facts. The man grumbled something and scurried away.

”Thank you” I said sincerely and threw a quick glance at the bartender. He smiled and nodded before turning and walking to get something from the other end of the bar. A moment later someone sat down next to me. I tensed up and thought of leaving the place then and there. How obvious did I have to get? But before I could muster up the courage to stand up, he said:

”I'm glad to see you being a little more careful with the drinks tonight”. I turned my head instantly, because I knew that voice. It wasn't the persistent guy. It was the man who had helped me at the bar the other night. I was dumbstruck.

”I went by the hotel Saturday morning, but they said no one of your description had been there. I guess you let the driver take you home?” He looked kind and sincere.

”Uh, yeah” I stuttered. ”Thank you for helping me.”

”No problem” he said with a shallow laugh. ”We all need a little support at one time or another. My name is Perseus.”

”I'm Meadow. But my dad... Used to call me Mae.” I knew instantly how strange this sounded. Because I've never really had any friends, my dad is the only one who has made a habit of using my nickname. But Perseus didn't seem to mind. He just gave me one short, queer look before nodding.

”It's nice to meet you again, Mae.” And with that, he stood up, about to leave. As you already know, I'm not the social type, but his company had made me feel calm and like there weren't any people around. I stood up too, and touched his bare arm softly. The short, thin hairs on his arm sent a jolt of electricity through my fingers. He turned with a questioning look.

”Can I see you again?” I asked, shocking myself at that forward question which was so unlike me.

”Of course” he answered, picked up a pen and a piece of paper from a pocket. I glanced at his arms and saw that the hairs were standing up. He gave me the not on which he had written his number down along with his full name. I looked at the paper. Perseus Griffyn. Was he for real, or was this a joke? I looked up at him, trying not to show my reluctance.

” I know” he said with a shrug. ”It's the stupidest name ever.” He swiftly walked to the exit and left the building. If I hadn't seen the broad smile on his lips before he turned, I would have thought that he was offended, but I was sure he wasn't.

The next time I met Perseus was at his apartment, earlier today. We talked a bit on the phone this morning and he asked me if I wanted to hang out for a bit. The bike ride over there was nerve wrecking. I really like this guy, this guy that I barely know. His apartment is small but nice. We sat at the bar table for a while and talked. We cooked lunch together. We lay on his bed discussing books. You see, he loves books just like me. That is just one of the things we have in common.

When I was about to leave, he took my hand in his. Again, the electricity went through my body. This was amazing and terrifying at the same time.

 

“I like being around you.” he said matter-of-factly and nodded softly, a thing that he does quite often to assert to himself that he is honest in what he is saying. It's adorable.

“Right back at ya” I said, turned, and walked out of the door, closing it behind me without turning back to look at him. I was going to play it cool. I was going to be just as calm and collected as he was the other day when I had seen the hairs stand on his arms. This is a social game that I actually like, and I want to keep it going as long as it amuses us. Now I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking about him.

***

Dear Jenny. This life is really taking its toll on me. Sleeping on that mattress night after night, eating food that's barely been prepared... I don't know how much longer I can take this. 

Okay. I just wanted to whine for a bit. Now I need to get dressed and go to work. Thank you for listening. Geez, look at me, thanking a book. I think I'm slowly going loony.

***

Dear Jenny. I had a fight with Perseus! I just want to cry, but I can't. I feel empty. We were walking in the outskirts of town, Perseus said that he wanted to show me something. As we walked, we talked about this and that. Then slowly, deliberately, he steered into the subject that he knows that I don't want to talk about. He started asking again about where I live and why he can't come see me sometime. You see Jenny, I haven't told him anything about how or where I live. I don't want him to know. It's humiliating.

“I don't want to talk about this, Perseus, you know that!” I blurted out, a little too angrily. He caught it directly and said:

“You can't avoid this forever, Mae, I'm gonna have to know where you live. I'm starting to think that you're some housewife just looking for some fun on the side!” This really hurt me. How can he think something like that about me? We've been going out for almost two months, shouldn't he know me better by now?

“Why can't I avoid this forever, huh? Why do I ever have to tell you?” I was so steamed up and I could see the crash coming but I just couldn't steer away.

“Because eventually we will want to take another step in this relationship and then you will have to tell me anyway.”

“I never said I want this relationship to go anywhere.” I didn't mean it. The moment I said it I wanted to take it back. I love him. I want to be with him, forever, I just don't know how I could ever let him into my mess. He stormed off, and I was too weak and too sad to try to follow him. Now I'm home. If you can even call this a home. And I don't know if he will ever forgive me.

---

So, the first chapter is finished. I had a blast writing it, and I really look forward to following this family and letting you know how it all turns out for Mae and Perseus! I plan on adding some info pages to the blog - CC credits, family tree et cetera. If there's anything in particular (downloads or anything else) that you think I should put on here, feel free to let me know in the comments section! Also, what do you guys think about the font? Is it difficult/annoying to read through? I just thought it fit so perfectly with the whole idea that this is Mae's hand written diary, but if the font is a bother I will change it to something more conventional. Thanks for reading and commenting!


/Alexandra