1.5 The End

Dear Jenny. We're back home. Ash is all settled in.

And I guess things are kind of back to normal between me and Perseus.

Having Ash has completely shifted my priorities. I don't have time to deal with Perseus any more, my energy isn't worth it. I know it sounds awful. I just... I know that it's not over yet. Our sex life is good. We take care of the baby together.

We have the silly banter up and going between us again and we even flirt in public. But I just know that if I brought the past troubles up again, there would be another fight, and another, and another... Underneath the happy exterior, something lurks. There is something within P that is making him ambiguous about this whole baby thing. He's trying to hide it, and he's doing it well, but I can see through the façade of “honey I'm home”.

Oh well, on to happier things. Ash is a doll. He's just the sweetest little baby you ever saw and he's so good. He almost never cries unless he is very hungry. 

If we bring him with us anywhere there isn't a quieter sim around. I adore him, obviously. But at the same time I can't wait for him to grow and start showing his personality. I want to know what he likes and what he doesn't like. Everyone tells me that I should be careful what I wish for, and I suppose that's something to think about. Before I know it, he's an unruly teenager who couldn't keep his thoughts to himself even if he wanted to. No. Ash will never be like that. Right?

***

Dear Jenny. I'm a little hormonal and I need to blow off some steam. This breast feeding thing isn't working at all. Ash just won't... And it would have been so convenient too, formula is really expensive. But I've tried and tried for weeks now and I have to realise that he will only drink from the bottle. It kind of hurts. And there are other things that hurt too. Last night when I had put him to sleep, I stood over his crib, just watching him. I heard the floor boards creaking as Perseus came into the room. He stopped in the door way.

 

“What are you doing?” He said in a sleepy voice. I turned my head a little to glance at him.

“Just. Watching. Thinking.”

“About what?” I didn't want to answer. I had been thinking about us, about our arguments and if they would ever see the light of day again. But he pressed on.

“Tell me. What is on your mind, honey?”

“I guess... I was just wondering if we would ever talk about what happened. Before we went to the hospital.” I could almost feel the cold emanating from him as he let out a deep, strained sigh. His voice was icy but controlled.

“Do we need to talk about it? It's in the past. Let it go.”

“I don't want to.” I had stepped away from the crib, fearing that we were closing in on a heated discussion I wanted to move to another room so that Ash wouldn't be bothered. I brushed against Perseus' arm as I passed him in the doorway and shot him a disappointed glance.

He didn't follow. In fact, he closed the door and stayed in Ash's room for over an hour before he came out and got to bed. He didn't say anything. He didn't even look at me.

Oh, why did I have to bring it up?

***

Dear Jenny. This has been a fun day. Kind of weird, but fun. Perseus took Ash with him to work this morning. He wanted to “show him off” to the people at work as he said, it honestly felt like a relief to be able to do anything I wanted all day without having to think of the baby. I made breakfast feeling quite happy to have no other responsibility or obligation than myself.

I decided I would go to the book store. I used to “hang” at the library, but nowadays there are so many odd people there. And it smells funny. Also, the book store has all kinds of magazines that I like to leaf through. The magazines at the library are usually a couple of years old at best.

Bella published one of my short stories the other day so I also wanted to see if they had it. They didn't, but it was okay, 'cause I found an adorable baby book that I started reading the moment I picked it up from the counter after paying for it. I was so busy reading the introduction when I went out the door... 

That I bumped into someone. A lot of books fell to the ground, making a horrible ruckus.

“Oh, I'm so sorry!” I exclaimed, bending down to help the man in front of me pick up the scattered books. He looked a bit flustered and muttered something before he went into the book store. I put my hands to my red face and giggled. Even though I was an adult, an engaged woman, a mother, I still had that core of shyness in me and being embarrassed, or rather, embarrassing myself, like that was an agony. As I started walking towards the street, I was planning to take a walk home, I realised that something was missing. I had something in my hand when I came out, didn't I? What was it? I looked around as if something in my surroundings would give me a clue. And it did. It had been a book of course! I looked about a little more. No book could be seen anywhere, except the neatly placed ones on the book store shelves. “I must have given it to that man.” I thought suddenly. Oh no, this was too humiliating. He thought I was a git already. How could I go in there and ask him to look through his pile of books? I shrugged in defeat and was just about to go home, bookless, when I heard a voice behind me.

“Hey, you!” I spun around. It was the book-man. “I'm sorry for being so snarky back there. I was kind of in a bad mood, but really, how can you be in a bad mood in this beautiful weather?”

 I had thought he wanted to return the book, but he seemed to be bookless too. His suddenly sunny demeanour confused me, but I wasn't about to give him another reason to mutter at me.

“Well, yeah, I guess it is a pretty nice day. I was just about to take a walk home.” I didn't know why I had just told him that. Silly of me.

“Why don't you go to the park with me instead?” His offer was tempting. I did like the park and Perseus and Ash wouldn't be home for hours anyway. But this was a man I had never met before. Could I really go with him to the park, just like that? What would we do there? I looked at him keenly. He was a bit younger than me. A good seven or eight years probably. He had a nice, honest smile and his skin was a dark, rich chocolate. I don't know why I'm writing these things down. Or why I noticed them in the first place. But after a bit of deliberating with myself I decided that I deserved to have a little fun. The weather was very fine and to go home and sit by the computer just wasn't gonna do.

“Yeah, sure why not?” I responded, trying to sound confident.

We took a walk to the park, it wasn't far. On the way he told me his name's Jimmy. He lives with his parents still, in the center of Riverblossom Hills and he dreams of working creatively in show biz. Not sure exactly what that means. We actually spent the whole day at the park. Jimmy is a really nice guy and hanging out with him just felt effortless, just as if we've known each other for years. We occupied the swings in the park for hours, just talking, sharing experiences, laughing together.

I felt like a teenager again.

But when I heard that Jimmy has never gone fishing in his life, I pulled him off of the swing and away to the club house we went, where I know they keep fishing rods that you can rent. We rented one each and went over to the pond. I know they plant fish there so they bite pretty often, but I didn't tell him that. He was so proud of his two little goldfish!

As it started getting dark and I found that I had three missed phone calls from Perseus, we decided to call it a night. Jimmy was very nice and followed me half-way home, but when I said I'd rather go the rest alone, he kissed me on the cheek and said good bye with a smile that showed me he hadn't taken any offence. I was giddy and happy when I got home and without answering Perseus' questions of where I'd been, I dragged him with me to the bed. Fun day.

***

Dear Jenny. I'm pregnant. I'm sure of it. I mean, I haven't taken any tests, but I can feel it, it feels just like with Ash but... Worse. I don't know what to do. What will Perseus say? Does he want another child? I'm so glad I have Jimmy. He's the only one I can talk to right now and he really listens.

I don't know what I would do without him. Well, I don't know what to do anyway. What if Perseus wants me to get rid of it?

***

Dear Jenny. All hell broke loose yesterday when I told him. I'll start from the beginning... I had been chatting with Jimmy on the phone on and off all day. He was helping me find my courage and we were planning it all down to the last detail. Exactly what I would say and how I would act. I wouldn't get angry or let my temper get the best of me as I do sometimes. That was the plan anyway.

When Perseus came home after work I had prepared a delicious dinner for him. Smoked salmon with potato wedges and lemon sauce. He was silent when he ate but I could tell he really liked it. After dinner we sat in Ash's room for a while, playing with him. He fell asleep on the blanket, so we just wrapped him in it and put him in the crib. Just as we kissed him goodnight and were about to leave the room, it slipped out of me.

“Perseus, I'm pregnant.” He stopped in his tracks and stared at me.

“What?”

“I'm pregnant.” I repeated, letting my hand caress my stomach to make it extra clear for him. He just stood there for a long while. I reminded myself of staying calm and collected. But then he went off.

“How could you? How could you be so irresponsible?”

“Me?” I asked indignantly. I was hurt that he was mad, and I was angry that he thought it was my responsibility alone.

“Yes, you! Didn't you realise I don't want any more kids with you?” My defences were down. The words hit me like poisonous arrows. He took a menacing step closer to me and I backed up against the wall. As much as I disdained him right in that moment, I knew he would never hurt me. Physically. I had strength left, but I also had sense.

“Get out. Let's get out on the veranda, Ash shouldn't hear this.” Perseus was good enough to oblige. He took the lead out on the veranda with calm steps. But the moment I had closed the door behind me, he started yelling again.

“Don't you know how to keep your legs closed!?” He stared me straight in the eyes.

“You've done everything to push me over the edge, why!?” Tears welled up in my eyes and I saw him in a new light. This wasn't the man I loved.

 “You are not the man I fell in love with.” I told him.

“No, perhaps I'm not, and I don't care. I'm done with this, I'm out. Have fun with your kids.” And with that, he turned on his heel and left. I stood there, dumbstruck, with the tears streaming down my face. 

When I couldn't see him any more, I started crying hysterically. It was the end of our relationship.

Jimmy is here now. He has been taking care of Ash and I'm just. Trying to recuperate.

---

Phew, another chapter done! That last picture just kills me. Poor Mae. Sooo... What do you guys think will happen? Will Perseus return begging for forgiveness? Or stay gone forever? I'm sorry about the long bits of text in this chapter. I just don't like re-constructing and rigging for pictures. I hope you like it anyway. :) Also, I'm working on a family tree. It will hopefully be up by the next update!