1.3 Two Blue Lines

Dear Jenny. The work on the house is going great. It's actually almost finished, with just the bathroom installations left, and all this in just a few days! Perseus was right when he said that it would be small, though.

Not that we can afford a lot of furniture right now anyway. Instead, we've put a lot of time and effort into the garden. If you can call a forest a garden. I found a lovely little vintage iron gate that I just had to have.

Perseus laughed at me and claimed that we couldn't have a gate when we don't have a fence. But I don't agree, the gate is the most beautiful and inviting part of the fence, it is only natural that it should come first! While I've been swearing over the gate, and the fact that the paint on the house never dries quick enough for me, Perseus has been busy planting bushes and other beautiful things. He even has his own little garden to putter around in behind the house!

Says he's going to grow fruits and vegetables and other useful things, that way we will have lower food costs. It's adorable to see him caring for those weeds, as he affectionately calls them. He really loves nature, this man. My man. Oh, it feels so great to be able to write it down and just know that it will last! I know that we will be together forever!

***

Dear Jenny. It's been a few months since I wrote last. Sorry about that. I've just been so busy with my book. Yes, I did finish the book, finally! It's working name was “Annie's Quest”, but I finally decided to make the title a bit more original: “The Day That Time Stood Still”. The first chapters have been getting great reviews after being in Bella, and due to a lot of begging and convincing, I've signed a deal with Libri to get it published. It won't be printed in a very large amount of copies of course, but I'm hoping I will at least have some little profit from it. Maker knows we need it. I went out and bought a computer last month with the last of our money. 

Perseus wasn't happy, that's for sure. But overall, life is good. We've started to get into the routine of living together.

It's nice to have someone to come home to. But Perseus isn't happy at his job – a nine-to-five job just isn't for him. He told me the other day that sitting in that cramped office with no connection to nature makes him feel like he's slowly being choked. It made me realise how lucky I am to get to work with those wonderful kids everyday. P wouldn't stand it, of course, but there must be something else out there for him that he would love. It's too bad he can't become a farmer. Our land clearly isn't big enough for that. It really is a shame. It would fit like a glove for him.

***

Dear Jenny. I've been so hungry lately! It's starting to annoy me. I haven't gained any weight, which is a blessing because I'm already a little on the chubby side. Well, no, that's just my self-consciousness talking actually. But I would be chubby if I gained weight now, that much is true. Still, it's weird that I just can't stop eating. Cereal in particular just makes my mouth water whenever I think about it, oh, I've gotta have some right now!

***

Dear Jenny. Something really big has happened! I'm really not sure about this, but Perseus seems to be happier than ever, he's not concerned or anything! I don't understand how he can be so irresponsible. I guess I should start from the beginning, though...

The other week I wrote that he really doesn't like his job. Well, I've been telling him that he should keep his eyes open for something that would suit him better, and I have been looking through the papers every day to see if something might come up. But apparently that wasn't enough for him. This afternoon when I was painting in the garden, Perseus suddenly came running towards me, from where I have no idea. 

He didn't even use the gate, he just passed through the bushes as if they were nothing to him, he's usually so careful with them. He stopped right next to me, not even looking at my painting or at me either, really. He just stared with that almost crazed expression in his eyes, that he gets sometimes when his mind is running slightly too fast for him.

“I quit!” he said while drawing in heavy breaths as if he had been running all the way from town.

“What do you mean?” I asked stupidly. I should have understood right away, but it just didn't exist in my mind that he would quit his job without having some other income first.

“I quit my job, silly, that office and those boring, grey people can burn in hell!” He laughed happily and threw his arms around my waist, almost lifting me up into the air.

He was so happy. And I was so not happy.

As he let go of me I forced on a smile and tried frantically to find something positive to say.

“I'm glad that you're happy” I said evasively. He must have been very deep into his thoughts and excitement because he never even looked at me twice, or read in my voice that I wasn't happy at all.

Now, what are we gonna do? As much as he likes to think so, he can't make any money off of those damned vegetables in the back. At least not enough to pay phone bills, electricity bills and certainly not food! I guess I will have to stop eating so much. He probably wouldn't even hear me or care if I said so to his face. He's too busy being happy!

***

Dear Jenny. I've realised that what I wrote last week was a bit rash. I'm glad I haven't showed my diary to Perseus. What I wrote would surely have hurt him. Of course he deserves to be happy! If anyone ever reads this diary, I just want to let them know that I take back what I said. We will work this out somehow and happiness is more important than money.

***

Dear Jenny. Do you remember me? The girl who used to write in you back when you were new and glossy and not dusty at all? I feel bad now that I haven't kept any regular notes in this diary. It would have helped so much. You see, there are things that I wish I could have kept track of. Like my pregnancy. Yes, I'm pregnant. I think I have written before about my hunger increasing. It was one of the early signs. Maybe I don't seem very happy. Okay... I will start from the beginning. When I first had the thought that I might be pregnant, I went to the pharmacy and got a test. I had just missed my second period in a row, so I thought it would be wise to take a test. It was one of those sticks that you pee on. I've never taken one before. I locked myself into the bathroom when I came home after work to do it. Perseus was at work so there was really no big risk of him catching me, but still. Oh, yeah, he got a work at the science facility in town. Apparently he knew someone there who helped him get a job. He likes it.

Anyway, back to the baby. I locked myself up, peed on the stick and waited the two minutes. For some reason, I think I never actually believed that I was pregnant. I was calm when I waited, plucking my eyebrows and popping a zit. I will never forget those minutes, they've etched themselves into my mind, even though I didn't give them a second thought right at the moment. When the alarm on my phone rang and I looked down, I could see two blue lines. I tell you I was genuinely shocked! I threw my back against the wall and stood there hyperventilating for a long time before I could calm down.

I wasn't ready for a child, that was the first thought that started to form in my mind. But after a couple of hours searching the web for useful “mothers-to-be” forums, I started to see it in a different light. I had always wanted a family. I just had not thought of that dream being fulfilled so soon. Also, I realised that staying at home with the baby would give me a lot of time to work on a new book. I increasingly felt more and more positive about it, until a few days later, I was really beaming with happiness and anticipation. My co-workers even remarked that I seemed more bubbly and outgoing than usual.

When I was all psyched up after those first days, I just couldn't hold it in any longer – I had to tell Perseus. I had thought of doing something humorous, like putting a bun in the oven and asking him to open it and see what was there. But I figured that he would never get it. He's not really the joke around type of person. I guess I'm not either. So in the end I just eased into the topic when we were cuddling in bed one evening. He had been talking about his work for what seemed like hours. I hadn't really been paying attention. As he started talking about his colleague who had just lost a grand mother, I saw my chance.

“Yeah, poor Jason. I know what it feels like. You know, when my dad died I felt like I was alone in the world. All I wanted was a family. And that was the only thing I couldn't have.” Perseus nodded, visibly trying to focus on my train of thought while he had his own in his mind.

“That's changed now, though, hasn't it?” I continued.

“Yeah. You have me.” he cooed and pulled me closer. Okay, so he is listening. Good.

“Mhm. But you know I've always wanted a real family, right?” He looked puzzled.

“I'm not real?”

“Oh, shush, you know what I mean.” I gave him a poignant glance. He cleared his throat a little nervously.

“Oh. You mean that? You want to... try?” He looked a bit pale, but I was determined to see this through. There was no point in stalling.

“We don't have to. It's... done.” We were both silent. I could see in his eyes that he understood. I looked into them, hopefully. I was so happy to be able to share this with him that I couldn't keep the smile off of my face, even though he obviously wasn't thrilled or overjoyed.

A few seconds passed in a silence where we just stared at each other. Finally his hand touched my stomach gently.

“Really?” he said almost in a whisper.

“Really”

“Since when?”

“A couple of months I guess.”

“How long have you known?”

“A few days.”

“Oh.” He didn't say anything else after that. He just lay down on the covers, his hand still on my stomach. I was unsure of what to do. This reaction wasn't among the dozen that I had conjured up in my mind during the last few days. I lay down next to him, watching him intently as he stared at the ceiling. We fell asleep like that. On top of the covers in our clothes. His hand on my stomach.

None of us brought the subject up at breakfast the next morning. Or at dinner. Or the next day. Or the day after that. Sometimes, when he didn't know I was watching, I could see him with the most worried scowl on his face, the age lines on his forehead becoming clearly visible.

It chilled me to the bone to see him like that. I just knew that he was thinking of our future. Why wouldn't he talk to me about it? Two weeks passed before I plucked up the courage and called him on it.

“Seus. Do you want me to get an abortion?”

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Some more drama for you guys! What do you think is Perseus' problem, does he want her to have an abortion? If so - will she? Also, here are a couple of bonus pictures that I just couldn't find any place for in this chapter: here and (BEWARE, NUDITY! :P) here! Can't wait to hear what you think of this chapter, so please leave some comments - now that Blogger is finally back to normal again!